You know, I really don’t know what my issue is with the female-geared romantic comedy (wait, aren’t all rom-coms directed towards women?) Anyway, I’ve just grown to become extremely uncomfortable watching them. When did falling in love become a funny thing to watch? Maybe I’m being a little too uptight. Mostly, I feel aggravation towards all romantic based films. Falling in love isn’t like how it is in these movies -

“But it is sometimes..”

That was my roommates response to me when I said that previous statement out loud; when I said that “Falling in love is never like that in real life.” We were watching The Wedding Planner, I believe, when I said that. You know.. that one movie with J-lo and I think Matthew Mconalfiaesnf, (I’m sorry, I can’t spell his last name and I’m too damn lazy to look it up.) 

And now that I think about it, the way that I fell in love with Matthew truly was romantic. Our story of how we got together isn’t all that pretty but me and all my feelings for him before I even knew his name - that is a story of love. And it’s a story that I cherish in my own memories.

Right when I saw Matt. I knew, I just knew that he was going to be someone special in my life. Call me crazy if you want, but I know how I felt in that moment. I was completely taken aback, I was breathless, I was speechless. I knew that I had to do whatever it took to be in his life, even if it was just as a friend.

I remember that I was being given a tour of Quizno’s by my new manager, Diego when I first saw Matt working diligently behind the counter wearing a black buttoned up shirt with thin red vertical lines (and yes, I remember the exact shirt he was wearing.) I remember being excited and yet nervous for work. I loved and hated being in the presence of him. I always thought, “He must have a girlfriend.” To snap myself out of it, I’d respond to myself, “Well, why do you care?” Unfortunately or fortunately, I had been right about that, about him being taken. But that didn’t matter to me. He still appeared, to me, to be the most interesting man I had ever seen in my life. I just… wanted to know who he was.

Let me tell you, getting to know him was not easy. He gave off this air as if he was always saying, “I’m better than you.” and it scared me shitless. But again, that didn’t matter nor did it bother me. I was determined. He seemed to have a good relationship with all of the other co-workers except for me. I didn’t understand why! Why not me? I always attempted small talk and it just came out like gibberish.

“That’s…a good…song.” 

“What?”

“Huh? Nevermind.”

One day, I left my binder behind at work. And right when I walked through the back door, I got a text from an unknown number, saying:

“Hey, you left your binder.”

I looked up to see Matt there with his phone in one hand and my binder in the other. 

“Oh, I just texted you.”

It was this one tiny and almost meaningless event that lead to our friendship; an event that, on any other given day would mean nothing but not on that day. On that day it meant absolutely everything. 

And the more that I continue to get to know Matt, the more that I feel like I was meant to find him and fall in love with him. I don’t… usually think of “fate” or “destiny” since the concept gives me no control of my own life but with Matt, I don’t know. It just feels like there’s just some greater force that draws me to him. Even if this love lasts or if this love is fleeting, it just feels right. It feels like it was meant to be. 

Or maybe I’m just crazy..